The Busy Gourmand

Café Tortoni
Avenida de Mayo 825 (between Piedras and Tacuan)
http://www.cafetortoni.com.ar/

Cafe Tortoni

Every once in awhile you run across an establishment where food and travel reviewers fall under the spell of some collective bad judgement. They list places as a “must see” or “must visit” when they know full well that if you have limited time it would be best to leave a place off your travel agenda. Now I know Samantha Brown is actually paid to speak half truths on the Travel Channel. Every day in her world is so much fun because, well let’s face it, she gets to stay in swank hotels and eat in tourist traps, and tell you how wonderful they are, because she does not have to pay for it. But for the paying public this is akin to a game of “Three Card Monty.” The only winners are the people publishing this drivel.

So here is the shtick on Café Tortoni. It was established in 1858. At some point in its early history lots of politicians and bohemian people hung out there because back then it was probably the only game in town. The owners spent a lot of money on stained-glass windows, nice lamps, and a bunch of shiny brass for the bar. If you have ever been in a Victorian era establishment then you have already seen Café Tortoni. You see that picture above?  Good, then that is all you need to ever see of Cafe Tortoni.  And the politicians and bohemians are now hanging out at Omm.

Now I fell for all the guide book stuff about “must see.” Do not let the long lines fool you. We wasted an entire hour of a very abbreviated trip being treated poorly and being served horrible food. They do not even have an active bar there any more. I guess too many people like us were coming in and ordering a Quilmes (the local beer) and leaving without paying for the other stuff. The sad thing is on the way there we passed a restaurant on the corner of Piedras and Avenida de Mayo, a half a block away, that looked wonderful; full of locals, wonderful menu. But no, I had Tortoni on my list so we went there. I am sure some day in the future Will will forgive me. Probably not any time soon.

So unless you have gobs of time or want to dress up in Victorian garb and hang out for a couple of hours in an authentic ambiance, or you have some need to hang out with a group of people who are not from Buenos Aires, do not go there. As for Samantha Brown; I will deal with her later.